Paddy Paddl'r

Armored Surfboards Deflect Insurgents, Stoke

Meathead, Florida/Pesian Gulf--Sure the boys at Paddy’s Chopper Outlet miss building custom motorcycles. But they sleep well at night knowing they are doing their part to keep the troops safe while completing the most important sortie of all: surfing Iraq.

“A lot of people think we just kill people over here,” remarks Private Martin Doud of Oceanside, California, “but we surf too.”

Since February, Paddy’s has stopped making their world famous choppers, and instead has been shipping out metal-plated longboards to the Persian Gulf. Surfboards are fashioned with three foot walls at the rails with gunner windows at the deck to facilitate paddling. Once in standing position, the soldier is well-protected from wayward-board-friendly-fire drop-ins, jellyfish, sunburn, and shrapnel.

The surfboards have been well received, but some surfers have voiced constructive criticism about the design.

“I hope Paddy’s doesn’t take this the wrong way,” intimates Sergeant Squeal of the 125th, “but what I don’t like about the surfboards is that they sink like rocks. It is amazing how much easier a surfboard turns when it is actually floating on top of the water.”

Others agree, but realize that sacrifices must be made by everyone, including surfers, during Iraq’s fight for freedom. 25-year old Kootie Sinclair is on her second tour of Iraq, and has been given a few days of R&R. A seasoned surfer from South Carolina, she now sits motionless at the edge of the Persian gulf in her submerged “Paddy Paddl’r.” Her head is above water and she scans the horizon for sets. She seems at peace, knowing that danger lurks everywhere until each and every person in the Middle East learns to surf.

“These Paddy Paddl’rs are a ton of fun...” The sound of a car exploding stops the interview for a moment, and then Sinclair is all smiles. “Did you hear that? I think it is starting to blow offshore!”

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